Damn. Please Read.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/07/15/marines.iraq.ap/index.html

To Live and Not Die in Nicaragua

It has been over five years since I left Nicaragua as a Peace Corps Volunteer. To say that going and living in a developing country for two plus years and returning to this country is a strange thing is certainly an understatement. There are days when my life in Nicaragua seems very distant, and other days when it feels like it was yesterday. I still have not returned and hope to do so this year. There are many interesting things about this country, but perhaps one of the most difficult is the war which was waged there by the Reagan Adminstation there in what is known as the Contra War and the scandal to fund this covert CIA-operated war known as the Iran-Contra affair.

Here is an interesting link to a booklist of obviously a very knowledgeable person about Nicaragua. I personally highly reccomend The Blood of Brothers by Stephen Kinzer, it was a must-read among us Peace Corps Volunteers.

http://www.amazon.com/Nicaragua-Surviving-US-terrorism/lm/R31XQGI5ERC6WH/ref=cm_lmt_dtpa_f_1_rdssss1/002-7446787-8623237?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=listmania-center&pf_rd_r=0S31NM9406NP6C7SK618&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_p=253462201&pf_rd_i=1566917565

The Square Root of Shannon

Last nite I had the pleasure of enjoying Shannon Whitworth and her band of acoustic ninjas at a great little new venue in Brevard, NC called The Square Root. I must say, folks, and I don't like to flatter unnecessarily: Shannon is quite a talent. She writes original mountain music with a traditional yet refreshing bent. She plays guitar and clawhammer banjo and sings like a sultry siren sent from the Greek gods. I really enjoy her heartfelt and love-weary songwriting which is made even more moving by tasteful instrumentation.

She used to be in the band The Biscuit Burners, and now seems to shine even more now that she is on her own. Jon Stickley, adorned with my old guitar strap that I bought back at Merlefest in '98, shredded the lead geetar while Mike Ashworth gave some juicy bass lines and Tim, whose Mama owns the great Celestial Mountain Music where I have drooled over many a geetar, added really tasteful fiddling.

Shannon has a new CD and it should be bought by all. Amazingly, I did not buy one as I decided it would be more prudent to save the last fifteen dollars I have to my name to eat and drive myself back to Asheville where I would wait for divine intervention to get my hands on this CD, dubbed "No Expectations". So, all of you readers, feel free to buy yourselves one of Shannon's new CDs and feel free to send me a copy, I am dying to hear it. She's playing this weekend in Boone at the Sugar Grove Music Fest where Doc and the Rangers will gladly blow your your minds.

Take a listen to Shannon here:
http://myspace.com/shannonwhitworth

Iraq Veterans Against the War and Me and Dando and the Van

My old Eagle's Nest buddy Dando Harper sent this link to me, definitely worth a look. Dando and I once drive off a cliff with a van full of teen-agers while leading a Hante Skills trip up in Linville Gorge. Good times, folks. Dando was driving, I was sitting shotgun. I remember screaming at everyone, "Get out of the van!!!" Then, I had to explain to the Big Boss Woman Noni what had transpired. "Uh, um, we almost all tumbled to our death, Noni," I never did utter. But probably should have. Anyways, we all survived, had an awesome three weeks rockclimbing, canoeing, and backpacking.

Here's the site:
Iraq Veterans Against the War
www.ivaw.org

I particularly found this blog passage very valid and pertinent to my life as I continue with my military enlistment:
http://www.ivaw.org/user/157

The "I am not afraid" Church for All/Iglesia para Todos

Howdy folks,

Just thought I'd plug a church I'm getting to know in West Harlem, I'll be there(and NYC starting manana) on Sunday service is held at 10am and my friend Chloe Breyer will be celebrating service there (I keep wanting to call it "mass", but that is a Catholic word). Great music, great people, one roof!!! Better than Copa Cabana!!!

Anyways, it's an awesome place and oriented to all, no matter your love of God or Jesus, it has significant history in our times of crisis in this country and world, southern Abolitionist as well as seceeding from the Union, 'cause as we all know, it's better down South (even better in Nicaragua!!!) Anyways, it's a church which strives to retain differences while celebrating our oneness as human beings under whatever you believe in. Even Kryder is welcome. (Just kidding Matt, you Marxist Pagan!!!)

Here's the website for more beta:

http://www.stmarysny.dioceseny.org/

Maybe Walker Lee might come and maybe by the coercion of this email he might bring along his guitar and you can listen to this forgotten legend in the re-making rekindle his old troubadour magic.

Please pass this email on to anyone interested as well, as there's plenty o' room, folks. And feel free to go when I am not there this Sunday, as possibly you hate me but would still like to attend a service there. Sorry God, I do have a knack for offending people, or as my friend Jon Stickley recently remarked, I am very good at making people "uncomfortable", whatever that means!!!

It's my Gaelic blood, mates!!! Live free and die!!!!

Again, St. Mary's, West Harlem, this Sunday, 10am.

Oh, great BBQ place around the corner, Dinosaur BBQ. Maren was very kind to treat me to some finger-lickin' ribs last time we stopped by St. Mary's. Man, those ribs were awesome.

Bonus, its a bilingual church, so bring your Latino lovers!!!

Ok, enough of me. Call me if you want to, 917-903-8729, but I understand if you don't, really I do.

Goodbye.

dbc

"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death"--(Mk 14:33-34)

Dear God,

It is not often that I write you; in many ways, it is not often that I speak of you. I do pray, but I try to act more than only hope.

My life has been difficult as of late, as are most people's lives in this world whom you have created. But I find myself at a particular time when I actively pray for your graceful understanding and willful intervention in my life.

Many people I know believe I sinned two years ago when I tried to take my own life. I have been judged by many for this action. I have been enslaved to drugs and mental penitentiaries on several occasions for the misunderstanding that I created with this action, I believe.

But Lord, after seeing much of this world, I was overwhelmed by the sins of my fellow countrymen, my fellow friends, my own family.

They did not and would not and will not ever know how to help me. About this to you, I write you today, dear Lord. I believe we all have a path that is ours. My path is one that I feel has been to serve, and now it is time that I would like to serve as a soldier in the US Army to protect, defend, and promote the freedom of those who have been enslaved.

When I was suicidal, I wanted to be with your son, Jesus. I was raised in the Holy Roman Catholic church to serve and strive to help others. I felt that it was my time to go, and I did not think of my act as murder, but rather an attempt to cross over to a better place, where I could love others and be with those who loved me. Many accuse this of being selfish; I wonder however how selfish these people consider themselves to be.

We are all selfish, we are all criminals, we are all war-mongers, we are all evangelizers of something.

I have always been in the middle; be it my family, my beliefs, my desire to serve and protect those who are most misunderstood.

My family and friends and co-workers were ill-equipped to deal with my suicidal depression. I knew none of them would know, I knew none of them would gather what was really stirring in my soul....the tsunami, the senseless war, the desperate pleas for help gone ignored, the communities I had left all over the world, who did seem to know what I had learned, that no one knows what the miracle of life has in store for us.

My depression was caused by being in a unique position to witness the atrocities of war and nature and then the mind-boggling ineptitude of fellow man to help those in need despite having the greatest resources at our disposal. For not acknowledging that every human person on this planet, Afghan or Iraqi, Nica or Haitian, etc. was a miracle, was something that I could not understand from my fellow man. Maybe I was insane for thinking that everyone deserves love, understanding, help in their time of need, and a second chance.

I did know that I no longer wanted to be an active participant in this miracle, and for this I have sinned. I no longer wanted the blessing I was given. It was not anger or guilt or self-loathing that I felt, Lord.

I felt Satan, I felt the evil of our own human blood, and I did not want it to continue. I hoped people would awaken to the senseless violence and atrocity committed not only in places like Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Nicaragua, but also between our own families, our own friendships, our own minds.

My father raced to rescue me on the Fifth of July, 2005. I was in a epileptic coma, blood over my head and walls and furniture from where I had knocked myself. Without a doubt, my body was heavily toxic from the prescription overdose of drugs that I was given to improve myself. I knew these drugs would not help, I wanted them to kill me. Only an act of God would save me from self-destruction.

By my father's intervention of kicking the locked bedroom down, the intervention of an enlightened EMT who directed him to take me to the skilled doctors from Yale rather than the local hospital, and I'm sure intervention on your part, dear Lord, to have me recover and then serve in your light to those in darkness is why I continue to breath, to experience, to wonder, to trust in your plan for something better in this world.

My family continues to accuse me of selfishness, of being inept, lazy, and deceitful, of being psychotic. Most friends no longer respond to me. I do not hold these in contempt. I am the one who promotes misunderstanding, confusion, even madness perhaps, in efforts to remind everyone, that we are all wrong. We did not know anything.

For both better understanding of who I am in this world today for my family and friends, I pray to you, dear Lord.

I have journeyed to distant lands. I have seen Truth in many peoples eyes. I have prayed in many temples, found Truth in many religions besides mine. I have found my religion to be a vehicle of self-liberation from our universal suffering, just as eqipped as Judaism, Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, the Mormon church, the Protestant Church, etc. etc.

We are the same. We are One. We are all different. The fact that I can feel more at home in Japan and Nicaragua than in my own birth place of New York is I'm sure no surprise to you. We go where we are needed, in this I trust.

The Army continues to sift through my medical records who are full of difficult topics, notably that my psychiatrist who was supposed to help me believed I was "delusional" because I told her I had been to Afghanistan. The final report declared that I was Wrongfully Involuntarily committed by my sister and former therapist. The report also testifies that I was "rail-roaded" by these same people.

I have faith, Lord, that my time will come to serve in the US Armed Forces if you will it. I want to serve, I am prepared to die for my country, to protect my family and friends and loved ones from the misunderstanding that thrives everywhere. I call this misunderstanding fear, I call it evil, I call it Satan.

Satan, your kingdom must come down.

I trust in you, Lord, that I had to attempt suicide. It was in my journey decided without me.

Suicide is not murder, I believe, dear Lord. It is the action of crossing over to a better place. A place where the injustices and inequalities which surround everyone on this earth are never silenced.

To you, dear Lord, I pray for the understanding of my action of suicide, my intention to serve in the US Armed Forces, and my journey for inner and outer peace will always be one I can cope with without further self-harm.

To you I pray, and to the memory of Jesus my savior who walks with me always.

Daniel Brian Conway

Age 30

--
"A Seeker's Prayer"
Give me the eyes to see the truth
GIve me the heart to feel the truth
And the courage to follow its light
Let my search for truth and knowledge
Lead to the wisdom of love
The desire to be helpful to others.

"If I Die In Iraq, Please Don't Send Me Back...My Sins Will Never Overtake Me."

Two years ago today I was in an epileptic coma in the Intensive Care Unit at Waterbury, CT hospital. I was awoken several days later. I had failed in my attempts to wash away what I had seen. The doctors scolded me in their ignorant, holier-than-thou way. One doctor in particular made it painfully clear he thought what I did was very stupid. I will never forget his face. His name I do not care about. I just gave him the silent gaze that annihilates words. He had no idea, I remember telling myself. No one has any idea what burden another carries. Especially a doctor, in my opinion.

The above title is a verse of a song that we recorded recently in a great studio in Madison County, NC (go Madison!!! Go Bobby Hicks!!!) which is a re-working of a tradional song called "Hand Me Down My Walkin' Cane". I tweaked the words, such as the title of this blog shows, and added a chorus which seems to keep morphing everytime I sing it, "Hand me dowm my M16, Hand me down my samurai sword, Hand me down my bayonet, I'm gonna leave on the mornin' jet, my sins they will never overtake me...." (solo fiddle/mando break!!!)

Last nite, I met the father of a soldier, who upon returning from five months in the 1st Infantry in Ramadi, Iraq under heavy fire and whose tank was blown up by an IED while leaving the country for Christmas leave, faces five years in military prison for going AWOL and then deserting the Army after 30 days and in the meantime getting a DUI and vandalism charge. He is in prison in NC now and will soon be transferred to Fort Knox, Kentucky by the military police and awaits his trial. He is 21 years old.

I played this song last night at a bar for the 4th of July in Chapel Hill as a reminder to folks of the lines of reality that are constantly being blurred in this world today. Grey is our color. The father heard the song, obviously moved by the words and my introduction of it as I told folks I was an Army Enlistee waiting to go to Basic at 30 years old.

I pray for this young soldier from Hillsborough, NC who has served his country honorably. He did not want to return to the fighting. His father said he saw many of his buddies die. He witnessed an Iraqi, in front of his unit, kill a baby by gunfire to the head, and then they returned the favor to him.

It is time for new blood to enter our Armed Forces and let the good boys who are serving get a break to just go be boys.

I will sing for this soldier, and all soldiers. They show up to serve. If they die, we must remember.

If I die in Iraq, please don't send me back. I do not like this country.

Vonnegut Vasoline Vascism

I stole this from Josue Burlymaneater's blog(http://blog.joshuaberman.net/) , thanks guey.

Again, an homage to a literary hero of mine. I've been working on some short stories, maybe I'll publish them, so here's some good advice.

Vonnegut's rules for short stories

Here's some lovely advice on writing short stories, from Kurt Vonnegut's collection, Bagombo Snuff Box:

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.*

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Asheville Music, May You Like It Or Not

The following are a just a few of the bands that I enjoy from the fertile Asheville area music scene. For such a small area, Asheville is exploding!!! with lots of rippers and talented gente. Peruse the following MySpace sites, if you care so.

Town Mountain:
(Robert Greer, future Governor of NC, Barrett "The Guru" Smith, Phil--da man, Jesse- pure Iroqouis trapper): GREAT CD!!! Where's Merl? http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=99519222

Songs from the Road Band (Charles from Steep Canyon Rangers): BUY THIS CD, AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=107312750

Andy Thorn: (Durham boy, UNC Jazz Studies, Eagle Scout, Kentucky Colonel):
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=47694104

Shannon Whitworth: (So smokin' on vocals, ex-Biscuit Burners, she is soulful and sweet and easy on the eyes):
http://www.myspace.com/shannonwhitworth

Mark Schimick: (A Charlotte Catholic drummer-boy and Larry Keel All-Star mando-ninja):
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=131481737

Woody Wood: (da man, Blue Rags, Custard Pie, too many bands, much genius, Statesville, NC):
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=137802299

Grit Pixies: (Cute lassies, Eliza Lynn's solo CD is dyna-MITE!!!):
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=119106947

Travels with Hank...more to come!!! He's Back!!! (and Nackered!!!)

"In all my travels I saw very little real poverty, I mean the grinding terrifying poorness of the Thirties. That at least was real and tangible. No, it was a sickness, a kind of wasting disease. There were wishes but no wants. And underneath it all the building energy like gases in a corpse. When that explodes, I tremble to think what will be the result. Over and over I thought we lack the pressures that make men strong and the anguish that makes men great. The pressures are debts, the desires are for more material toys and the anguish is boredom. Through time, the nation has become a discontented land."
--John Steinbeck, reflecting on his journey in search of America in a letter to his editor Pat Covici, surrounding the aftermath of his book "Travels with Charley: In Search of America"

I have decided to reboot this blog. One More Dollar is indeed an apt title for my life. Sometimes that is exactly what I need to get my ass down the road, get a 99 cent double cheeseburger at McD's, or just help a similar less fortunate soul out with a blessing.

Steinbeck is a literary hero of mine. This book made a huge impression on me when I first read it when I was 13. He also lived most of his literary life in Sag Harbor where I feel at home more than most places in this country due to spending my summers as a child with my grandparents just up the road from Sag Harbor on Brick Kiln Road. People there remember my grandparents.

I miss my grandfather Poppy as well as my other Grandpa. They represented an ethic that many in my generation lack: military service. I hope to join them soon as I continue to wait on my military enlistment. Steinbeck's works...Grapes of Wrath, East of Eden, Of Mice and Men, and this work, are treasures. America is always changing. But when he wrote this some fourty years ago, it seems as if he wrote it just yesterday. We are still asleep in this country.

My country and countrymen have many blessings. Our greatest shortcoming as a country is we continue to fail to recognize just how blessed we are.

I was born in this country. I almost died here. I wish to leave this country again for a long time.

It's better over yonder.

dbc

Buena Musica Dharma Club: Vol. 3 Dharma Americana

Dharma=Truth

With this Limited Edition Vol. 3 pressing, there now exists a verifiable cult following surrounding these rare discs, which are in actuality signifiant teachings helping us to remember to listen and honor the Trobadours/Traveling Musicians while equally asking them to respect us as listeners, and all the while sharing with our friends and loved ones the truth in music.

This new phenomena is being called the Buena Musica Dharma Club. It is about three things: Truth, Music, and Sharing. We are now soliciting applications for membership. If you already have any of the previous Volumes, consider yourself a Founding Member.

And here's the tracks for the Vol. 3 "Dharma Americana":
1. U2 "Walk On" (Live) America: A Tribute
2. Tim O'Brien "Wandering" The Crossing
3. Tim O'Brien "Wagoner's Lad" The Crossing
4. The Avett Brothers "The New Love Song" Mignonette
5. Tim Easton "Special 20" Special 20
6. Tim O'Brien "Less and Less" Traveler
7. Reeltime Travelers "Halleluiah" Livin' Reeltime, Thinkin' Old Time
8. Reeltime Travelers "Little Bird of Heaven" Livin' Reeltime, Thinkin' Old Time
9. Van Morrison "Into the Mystic" (Live) It's Too Late to Stop Now
10. Yonder Mountain String Band "To Say Goodbye" Elevation
11. Blind Boys of Alabama "I Shall Not Walk Alone" Higher Ground
12. Bob Dylan "I Was Young When I Left Home" Bootleg Vol. 7
13. King Wilkie "Lee and Paige" King Wilkie
14. Blue Mountain "Mountain Girl" Dog Days
15. Blue Mountain "Blue Canoe" Dog Days
16. Jim Lauderdale and Donna the Buffalo "That's Not the Way It Works" Waitr 'Til Spring
17. Darrell Scott "Day After Day" Theatre of the Unheard